I went to a bookstore and asked the
saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she
told me, it would defeat the purpose.
Could it be that all those
trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as
If a man is standing in the middle of
the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him...is he
If someone with multiple personalities
threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors
call what they do "practice?"
Where do forest rangers go to
"get away from it all?"
What do you do when you see an
endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they
garnish his wages?
Would a fly without wings be called a
Why do they lock gas station
bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is
he homeless or naked?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If the police arrest a mime, do they
tell him he has the right to remain silent?
How do they get the deer to cross at
that yellow road sign?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat
clowns because they taste funny?
What was the best thing before sliced
Never underestimate the power of
stupid people in large groups.
The older you get, the better you
realize you were.
Age is a very high price to pay for
Procrastination is the art of keeping
up with yesterday.
Do pediatricians play miniature golf
Before they invented drawing boards,
what did they go back to?
If all the world is a stage, where is
the audience sitting?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do
the rest have to drown too?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular,
why is it still #2?
If work is so terrific, how come they
have to pay you to do it?
If you ate pasta and antipasti, would
you still be hungry?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which
have you done?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why are there flotation devices under plane
seats instead of parachutes?
Have you ever imagined a world with no
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to
work in the mornings?
If Denny's is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a
year, why are there locks on the doors?
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they
make TEFLON stick to the pan?
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of
light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
You know how most packages say "Open
here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open
Why do we drive on parkways and park on
Why is it that when you transport something by
car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship,
it's called cargo?
You know that little indestructible black box
that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the