Two atoms are walking down the street one day, and one of them says to the other:

"Hey, wait up a second.  I think I lost an electron"

The first atom replied, "Are you sure?"

The second atom exclaimed, "Yes, I'm positive!"

 

A proton, neutron, and electron went out to dinner one night.  After a luxurious meal, the waiter brought the check to the proton and the electron.  The neutron was perplexed as to why the waiter didn't bring him his check.  So, he summoned the waiter to the table and asked him about it.

The waiter explained to the neutron, "For you, there's no charge!"

 

What do you do with a dead chemist?
        - Barium

 

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
        - They're cheaper than day rates.

 

Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak?
        - Because it's in the ground state.